Finally, My Choice

Yesterday morning, driving on an early errand, I was flipping through different radio stations, trying to find one without completely annoying Christmas music.   - I have nothing against Christmas music, just the trite and overplayed kind the radio stations find appealing. - 

I found Family Radio, a conservative station with godly content that we had listened to for many years many years ago. 

As I listened and enjoyed the beautiful hymn that was playing, a series of random thoughts ran through my head, one after another after another.

The first one being - Family Radio is STILL there and being faithful.

If you know anything about Family Radio, you will understand; if you don't, then suffice it to say their ministry has suffered some tremendous 'downs' the past years.  For so many years, through criticisms, mockery, and trials of faith, they are there every day providing the same God-honoring programming they have been since 1959.   Wow.

For some reason the thought of someone doing the same thing day after day, year after year, was astounding to me.

The only thing in my life which has been a constant is that it is constantly changing.  I've had the normal day to day responsibilities of wife and mother, but the upheavals are things that I had no say in.  Moving almost 200 miles away from home and everything I knew was not my choice.  Spouse announcing that he was retiring early while three children were still in school - homeschooling - and not caring what my thoughts might be.  Not my choice.  Moving back home again, after living away for 15 years and making deep, deep heart connections with our (children and I)  new church and homeschool friends.  Again, an announcement; my opinions were not needed.  Again, not my choice.  The biggest of all was the catastrophic end of our marriage which left me hospitalized for nearly a year and from which I am still recovering, and will never fully recover.  Absolutely not my choice.

My next thought was - Now, I have an open door in front of me.  My children are graduated and grown and moving on with life.  My home is my own.  My health is finally at a place where I can make plans and get out and do things - things that I choose to do. 

This is a totally new place for me.  I don't have to take anyone else into consideration.  I don't have to consult with someone or get someones approval.  If I want to do something for the next, Lord willing, 30 or 40 years, I can.  If I want to do nothing for the next, Lord willing, 30 or 40 years, I can.  The possibilities are endless and give me hope and a calming sense of peace.

while writing this, I've been listening to A Firm Foundation

by the Steve Pettit Evangelistic Team.

Just beautiful ~