A Feat

Monday started off inauspiciously with a head-full-o-fluff and a nap.  

 But when the cleaning spirit catches you, you obey.

The picture below may not look like much of anything.  An old, nearly empty closet in a room that is in great need of painting.  You would be completely on target with the painting part.  This has been the one room (Laundry) in the house that has never even been close to being finished since we moved in over seven years ago.  And in those seven years, this poor, centrally located closet has borne the burden of every unwanted, unneeded, not-right-now/I'll just put this here until later-item that I could throw at it.  That is to say, on Monday when I made an innocent trip to the kitchen and walked past this sad closet for the umpteenth-thousandth time, my heart said "Enough is enough."

This closet was stacked helter-skelter with boxes and bins and papers to almost the full height of the ironing board.  I cannot even tell you what ended up in the garbage can and recycle bin except that my heart and brain were finally in agreement that it was past time to get rid of things that I have no intention of using.  I organized the packaging and bags I want and will use; I discovered a binder full of photos and notes of phone calls with my father and his first cousin, both of whom are gone now, about my grandparents and my extended paternal family; I made the determination to greatly lighten my collection of stamps (Stampin' Up!).

After the closet was cleaned out, I put together a metal six shelf unit to go inside the closet - it looks beautiful!!  But, alas, I cannot overcome physics and when purchasing the shelf to go in the closet, I did not factor in the four inches of overhang on the framing.  See, the shelf unit technically will fit inside the closet, but once it is built I cannot put it inside.  I won't tell you how long I stood there staring, questioning my mental capacity, luck, fate, etc.  

Once I snapped out of it and accepted the reality of the situation, I went and sat down for a much needed break.

When I was watered and refreshed, I got back up and cleaned all of the debris from the utter chaos I had created.  The five things that remain are, clockwise from wok, a small bin of clothes one size smaller than what I wear (yes, I'm keeping them as incentive!), Large bin of scrapbook paper, supplies, and albums, clear bin of stamps that haven't been used in many, many years and will soon be listed on eBay, and a box with a started quilt top.  I'm still vacillating on the quilt top, but by the time I reached that box around the corner I had made too many decisions already and saved that one for later.  I also cleaned up the rest of the laundry room, including lots of clutter in front of closet #2.  (Yes, there is another, with even more stuff in it!)

Then it was time for the finishing touch:  Sweeping and mopping my laundry room.

Oh.  My.  Goodness.

It was an UTTERLY Exhausting day, I cried a little bit, took some tylenol, made a cup of tea, 

and went to bed for the remainder of the day with a heating pad on my back.

The reward, though, is this beautiful closet just waiting for some new shelves 

and to be a loved and useful part of our daily lives.

Changed . . . Clicked . . . Different . . . HOPE

It's been four years since my life turned completely upside down.

This year started off with the same old routine, same feelings nestled snugly beside me.

But something happened between January and February.  Like, really.  At the end of January I was away on my get-away anniversary week, came home for two nights only to leave again for what ended up as five days away for treatment for my kidney transplant.  After sleeping away a day and a half, and resting up another day, I woke up with a new spirit.  It was like a switch had been flipped and suddenly instead of settling into the same old routine I had essentially been walking through for the past few years, I wanted to get up, and go, and do. 

A week full of activity has ensued and I feel really good.  I've cleaned and planned.  I've been in doing genealogy and out doing volunteer photos for FindAGrave, both of which make me happy.  I've even been pinning and dreaming.  I've done more this week in my home than I have in the past few months combined.  I've moved and labored, breathed hard and told myself to just shut it and quit complaining.  Moving is good and the reason it's hard is because I don't!  Yes, I sat down and took a break, but then I was ready and willing to get up again and continue on. 

Some of the consequences of the transplant and occasional treatment is that many things are beyond my control.  I just have to go with the flow of what is happening to my body, ride it out, and be ready when it subsides to get back to normal.  One thing I have been doing is eating more consciously when it comes to things I need and things I don't.  Calcium, yes!  Phosphorous, no!  Iron, yes!  Potassium, keep it in check.  The encouraging thing is that these changes are showing up in my lab results. 

All of this to say that things are different.  And I like it.

I've claimed 2020 as my year of Jubilee.  The Hebrew year of Jubilee symbolizes freedom, forgiveness, and mercy.  Whether celebrated in the seventh year or the year following the seventh, slaves and servants were set free, debts were forgiven, land could be redeemed, and the mercy of God would be manifest to all.  In 2012 a change happened in my life that started a spiral and that spiral went out of control.  Since 2016 I have been edging my way out of a valley that nearly consumed me.  These are not idle words.  2020 dawns as the year after the seven years.  Time has passed, and even though there's no real resolution to our troubles in this life,  justice has run it's course and it is time to move on.  There is a lightness and a hope inside of me, and I'm most touched by the easy way of life that my children and I have settled into.  A beautiful glimpse of what should have been a reality so long ago, but I'm grateful that it manifests now.  My hope feeds on the peace. 

This new hope is spurring me on to dream and plan.  As my Jubilee year, I'm reclaiming my home.   Cleaning out cluttered corners and closets.  Planning projects and shopping for decorations to make my home as warm and welcoming to others as it is to me.  Planting trees, clearing views, and creating the peace and beauty that were foreign words to us many years ago.

In order to keep myself accountable and to measure my progress - however big or little or excruciatingly slow it may be! - I will be posting what's happening as my home goes {Lord willing} from MY haven to A Welcoming Haven.

Love,

Denise